Thursday, October 4, 2012

Big Stuff...

I have such guilt over the fact that I haven't written here in so long.  Not that I'm obligated to do so, but more so over the fact that I was so excited about once again documenting our life and then I just .... didn't.

It wasn't so much so that I didn't want to.  I mean after all, I still have about 4 blog posts sitting in my queue. It's more that time once again got away from me and once again, I just can't manage a business and a life.

So here I am.  It's 1:00 am and I find myself tired and restless.  Not sure if my desire for sleep or my desire to talk is more necessary.  And I guess in this instance it would be my desire to type.  Either way... girlfriend has got to get some words out!

I am happy to report that the Lord is at work in my life.  He's at work in my family's life as well, but this post is specific as to His work in my own life.

This is a big deal, y'all.

I can honestly say that I've spent possibly the last 4 years being angry with God.  Not angry enough to walk away from my faith, but angry enough to avoid a meaningful relationship.  Angry enough to not pray. Angry enough to not read His Word. Angry enough to avoid any sort of spiritual encounter.  If Jesus were on Facebook, I would have unfriended Him.

In case you missed it...I was a little angry.

As in all cases with Jesus, it was all a part of His plan. He was getting me to where I needed to be so He could do His thing. Part of that was getting Monk and I into a church where we just heard the Gospel.  Nothing more, nothing less.  His Word. God Breathed. It was through the teaching that my heart began to soften and walls came down.  The fists unclenched and my heart began to heal.  And let me teaching, I mean actual teaching from the Word.  Not topical 'how to live your best life now' sermons.  I'm talking honest to goodness exegesis of the Bible.

During this last year and under that amazing biblical teaching was when the decision came to step away from my business.  We were in the book of Jonah.  And all along I thought Jonah was just about a fish. Who knew?

And that decision was a catalyst.  Jesus became real to me again. Prayer became real to me again. The Word became real to me again. Worship was real again.

And then we missed a month of Sundays because of illness.

And then my husband lost his job.

And then I had to take on twice the business.

And then we have no health insurance.

And then bright orange lights light up in the dashboard on a 'new to us' vehicle.

And just happens.

Oh sly boy.

All of that and here I sit unwavering.  Believing and trusting in the Sovereignty of God. Knowing He has this.  All of it.

This is where the Big Stuff is.  The stuff I can share and the stuff I can't share.  The stuff I want to talk about so desperately, but the stuff I feel needs to be kept between me and Jesus for just a little longer.  The stuff that Jesus is doing in my life.

I realize this is all so very vague and part of me wants to apologize and part of me wants to savor it.  But the time is not right to share all of what the Lord is doing, but I just wanted to share with y'all that there is big stuff going on in my life.

Stuff that terrifies me and excites me all at the same time.  Stuff that just requires a LOT of prayer.  We need your prayers.  For a lot of things.  Some good and some not so good, but we do need them.

If I were on Facebook right now y'all would tell me I'm Vaguebooking.  I know I am. Frankly, I sound a little psychotic. Some of you would say, 'this is different from normal, how?'.  This IS different, I promise.

It's good. It's all good. And it's big stuff. God stuff.